GTA IV: The Beginning.

Picture the scene: a sunny Friday afternoon. The birds are singing, trees sway nonchalantly in the cooling breeze, and a group of rowdy teens cycle from school - their GCSEs are over, a relaxing summer awaits, and they've got the rest of the day to enjoy the dazzling sunshine. Do they go punting? How about the park? Or perhaps just a trip to town.

Not when GTA IV is waiting at my house.

We rush into my sitting room and rip off the cellophane wrap like a pack of hungry beavers. The curtains are closed - our pasty skin can't take the vitamin D, and the TV is clearer this way. The game boots up, and we roll our eyes at the drawn-out introductory montage. I declare that if I have to sit through this more than once, someone is going to suffer.

Niko, a friendly Russian with a daaaaaaark past, arrives at Liberty City. There's a lot of pointless plot stuff, and nobody is really interested in it except me. They just want to cause mayhem. However, it's my game, my 360 and my house so, cackling to myself, I force them to watch.

But finally, we're away. I scamper mischievously up to a car, smash the window and drive away, with the outraged squeals of its porky owner following me halfway down the road. The detail is astounding: bins left out to be picked up by the binmen, woman sipping coffee or chatting on their mobiles, an old lady causing discontent for everyone by taking five minutes to cross the road.

We leave a trail of destruction in our wake. Lampposts tumble, crackling and broken, to the ground as we plough our killmobile through them. Fences buckle, fire hydrants smash, and a poor man who chose the wrong moment to cross the road finds himself sprawled on our bonnet, as we laugh with sadistic delight at our sins.

But the cops are on our trail. We swerve in and out of traffic to a symphony of car horns and crunches as we misjudge turns. Unfortunately for everyone, not least ourselves, our driving is not yet refined enough to be...well...good, and we end up grinding through a pleasant park, our tyres churning up mud and splinters of broken bench. A innocuous gardener meets a sticky end.

We're eventually caught and locked away, and that's where the session is forced to end by the arrival of the girls and Bigs. We head off into town, determined to enjoy the weather and real life.

At the end of the day, though, sometimes virtual life is a hell of a lot more fun.