Harvest Mooning.

It's a wonderful life down at the farm, or so they say. I decided to give the old adage a little testing; however, I'm in the middle of my education, and the idea of waking up at 5am to muck out pigs, goats and Andy doesn't really appeal to me. How then to accomplish my goal?

Video games, once again, to the rescue.

I just got a GameBoy Micro, and with it the game Harvest Moon - a farming sim. No sniggering, please. The Harvest Moon series is one that has the odd distinction of featuring no action or thrills whatsoever, yet still managing to captivate and grip players. I'd never played any of the games before, and so today was the start of a brand new adventure. With chickens.

And thus begins my Harvest Moon diary. With cows.

I'm Jethro, a young farmer who has taken over Ookbridge farm, a run-down mess in dire need of shrubby refurbishment. As I leaves my cosy shack, a weird bearded guy with a top hat apprehends me and demands that I listen to a tutorial on how to run a farm. Scoffing, I reject his pathetic advances - I'm a master of the soil! He slinks away, and I confidently take one step forward...

...And am immediately apprehended by a weird muscly guy with a cheesy grin. He's the shipment man, who I need to give my crops to in order to get some profit. Useful info - I imagine I'll have a harvest of several million turnips in a week or so. Like I said, master of the soil.

It's time to start. I survey a small patch of barren, rock swathed earth: there doesn't seem to be much space for the several million turnips. I probably need to shift the rocks, but Jethro encounters the old enemy of Horrific Spinal Injury upon attempting to lift the boulder without bending his knees. Fool.

Maybe I should go to the village - there might be a salesman from whom I can purchase a crane, or possibly a weightlifter. The top hat man hinted at the possibility. Unfortunately, the few houses I come across are locked, and the sole civilian babbles manically about his sister. I swiftly end the conversation and flee.

Hmmmm, this is tough. Jethro is already looking a little tired, and it's only 8am. I decide to take a break - this farming lark is harder than it sounds. Maybe later on I'll be more successful. With goats.